Patriotoesm Factor: 10

As our commander and chief says, there is “good” and there is “evil.” This is the former. When you’re fighting a war in the Middle East, where the battlefield is essentially a large beach, it makes sense to bring in top Camel toe fashion designers to consult with the pentagon on proper attire for our troops.

Toe Factor: 10
Beers/day: 10
Brilliance of creating “Girls gone Wild”: 10
Brilliance of getting Snoop Dogg to host “GGW”: 10

Spring Break is something that I will never get too old to enjoy watching on MTV. I fully expect to be watching it in diapers in an assisted living facility in 2044. I don’t even think that in college I’d have actually wanted to go to South Padre Island or Daytona Beach, but my vicarious pleasure in witnessing it never wanes. I particularly like it when MTV follows a group of guys and a group of girls for the week and chronicles their hook-ups, puking, body shots and other assorted activities.

Toe Factor: 4

What is it about the Chevy Corvette that has attracted more cheese than any other sports car out there? Carlisle, PA is a town in SE Pennsylvania, not far from Harrisburg (which is the state capital only because a long time ago the Redcoats controlled Philadelphia).

Naomi Campbell
Toe Factor: 6 (I was frankly expecting more)
Favorite Drink: POM (until they go Chap 11 next month)

Naomi Campbell is one of those supermodels that everyone loves to hate. She has a temper. She expects to be treated like a queen. And why the hell not? If any of you saw the Victoria’s Secret fashion show this year (and something tells me our readers may have tuned in), she was hands-down the hottest woman on the runway.

Dr. Camel Toe
Toe Factor: 6
Seen: Running for his life outside Fenway Park.

Here we see a truly shameful picture of Sean Connery. Every day when Sean wakes up he should call the casting director for his first James Bond movie and say thank you. Think of what that person saved him from. There is simply not an acceptable explanation Mr. Connery could offer for why this picture exists.

Toe Factor: 8
Babe Factor:7

Wow. This is a surprise. In over the years we’ve gone from the Taliban to the Toe-liban. This woman is not really that hot, but given the geopolitical backdrop she is impressive.

Toe Factor: 6.5
Babe Factor: 8 (she would make me it to a camel toe if it was lower)
Seen: Shaving her back
Favorite Movie: Terminator 2 (Linda Hamilton…mmmmm)

Hey…I always wondered what happened to Joe from that show “The Facts of Life“. Is there anything at all sexy about this woman?

Toe Factor: 5
Babe Factor: Fishy 5
Seen: ESPN daytime fishing shows

I’m sure I don’t need to tell all of the self assured heterosexual men reading this, but for all the others, this woman is holding a giant Rebel Pop R lure, model # G254 in the green perch pattern.

Toe Factor:- T-Boy 0 + a swollen 7 + defined 8 + wide 5 + lopsided 5

Babe Factor:- drunken 5 + 7 + 6 + 7 + dirty 10

Seen:- therapist couch & casting couches across Amsterdam

I thought energy companies had become clever marketeers

Toe Factor: 8 (nice outline, mediocre separation)
Babe Factor: mildly moist
Favorite Movie: Fast & the Furious (underrated)

Before I forget, when you watch “The Fast & the Furious”, you may notice that one of the cops is Ted Levine who plays Buffalo Bill,