Celebrity Camel Toes

Jamie Lee Curtis 80’s Workout the Camel Toe

jamie lee curtis
Toe Factor: 8
This is Jamie Lee Curtis playing a sloppy-toed aerobics instructor in “Perfect”, which co-starred Travolta before Tarantino saved his career only to let him embarrass himself by becoming a Scientologist. We’re not sure if this photo confirms or dispels the rumor that Jamie is a hermaphrodite with her very own Fish Called Wanda.

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Fast Camel Toes at Ridgemont High

phoebe
Toe Factor: 8 (it’s just a way of looking at that toe and saying, “hey bud, let’s party”)
Babe Factor: 10 (let’s keep the focus on Phoebe)

Well, alright Hamilton! We all know Judge Reinhold’s verdict here: GUILTY of TOE in the FIRST DEGREE. We here at The Camel Toe Report affirm the lower court’s decision unanimously. Phoebe made every male born between 1964 and 1971 to a family that kept Vaseline or Lubriderm under the bathroom sink get better acquainted with “Mr. Hand”.

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Iggy Stop

iggypop
Toe Factor: 5
Seen: unfortunately

Here, aging punk icon Iggy Pop performs at the Garage festival in NY. Come on, dude. Put on a shirt. The cottage cheese shoulder. The wrinkled gut. The tight jeans. That ain’t right. When you turn 50, you relinquish the right to remove your shirt in public.

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Mariah Carey makes The Camel Toe Report

mariahtoe
MenTOE Health: 10
Mental Health: 3
Here’s a fine toe shot of the singer who will never quite be anything more than the poor-man’s Whitney Houston. Even her breakdowns and bad marriages can’t compare to the anorexia and lesbian rumors of the real Diva. After ten years of overexposure and undeniable success, I cannot decide if she is good looking or not. I doubt she will age gracefully; her trend of dressing sluttier with each passing year charts a very dangerous course for the years 2011 and beyond.

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Lindsay Toehan

lindsaytoe
Toe Factor: 7

Never in history has someone gone from adorable to adwhorable faster than Miss Lohan. How can the woman pictured in this  Camel Toe photo, who dates the cheesy guy from That 70s Show whose name isn’t Ashton, be only six years removed from the girl who starred as twins in THE PARENT TRAP?

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Camel Toe-ri Spelling

tori_spelling
Toe Factor: 8
Nepotoeism Factor: 10

Since Beverly Hills 90210 went off the air last year, business at the PEACH PIT has slumped. With Brandon (Jason Priestly) either in rehab at Promises in Malibu (where his roommate is A.J. from Backstreet Boys) or touring with Barenaked Ladies, Nat needed someone at the counter who could drive traffic and move some of his pies. Enter Tori Spelling, who was ’referred’ to Nat by her dad, the actual owner of the restaurant.

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The Simple Camel Toe

parishilton

The Simple Camel Toe
Toe Factor: 9 (left lobe looks bigger. Kerry voter)
Favorite Drink: MojiToe (I apologize… that is lame)

Everyone loves to bag on Paris Hilton. No talent. Airhead. Born into money. Blah, Blah, Blah. Stop drinking the haterade. Every last one of y’all would trade places with her in a heartbeat. She is rich, hot and will never have to kiss anyone’s ass in her entire life. Can you say the same? If so, email us with a photo.

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Kelly Ripa Toe

kellyripa
Toe Factor: 9

I don’t know what is more remarkable: that Regis could replace Kathie Lee with someone even more banal and vapid or that he could do so and continue to stay on the air. Sometimes while channel-surfing I find myself rubbernecking on this show… and rubbernecking is exactly what it is.

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Goldie Hawn

goldiehawn
Toe Factor: 8

It’s an impressive Camel Toe that’s still visible behind a shower curtain. Goldie Hawn is getting to the point where she shouldn’t be trying to be cute anymore, but it’s hard to shift gears from being a slightly older Suzanne Sommers to being a grandmother.

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Camel-Toe-na or Christina Aguilera

christinaaguilera

Christina Aguilera
Toe Factor: 7

I’m not really sure what to make of this. I know she’s from Pittsburgh, and I’m guessing that this is some sort of bizarre Moulin Rouge-inspired halftime show at a Steeler’s game. I do know that her camel toe is firmer than Coach Bill Cowher’s chin, which is itself Rushmorian in its prominence and structural integrity.

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