I have shocked the staff at The Camel Toe Report, by sacking our long time serving photographer Lyle, after blagging a couple of tickets to the Beijing 2008 Olympics, then sneaking him in through the trades man entrance, he is caught by NBC trying to catch Nastia moving her hands to get a quick swatch of her bulge but there is a few thing which annoy me here.

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Toe Factor: 8

It’s hard to know if yoga is here to stay or here but soon to go away. It’s been big before — George Harrison probably was the first purveyor of ’yoga chic’ —

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Toe Factor: 4 (not great toe, but cmon…)
Seen: Cirque de No Way

Starbucks and coffee have come a long way. We used to order coffee by saying “Coffee please”. Now we have to indicate size, type of milk used, and blend, all while speaking Italian.

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Sigrid and Jolie
Toe Factor: 18 (9×2)
Seen: Jolie’s basement, 2AM Thursday, photo by her brother Helmut

Sigrid and Jolie were the hottest girls in the class of 1992 at Hamburg High (Germany). To this day they like to get together and listen to Ace of Base in Jolie’s basement and talk about old times,

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Toe Factor: 8 (Lovely Round Factor)

OK…the Beijing Camel Toe Olympics are over. Our USA gymnastics scored high on camel toes and low on points, Girls in our eyes you are all winners, you can’t help it if the world hates us, so wear your watch like a Gold medal, it might have been real if the judges were all British and American

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Toe Factor: 8
Babe Factor: a Flexible 6
Seen: Crying, holding a bouquet of flowers, staring up at the scoreboard
Favorite Movie: Ice Castles (perhaps the worst ever)

Figure skating is pretty close to women’s gymnastics when it comes to Camel Toes and pissing me off. The scoring is so obviously biased (9.6, 9.6, 9.8, and a 7.5 from the Russian judge).

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Toe Factor:5
Babe Factor: 7
Seen: Picking a sensible rocking chair for her new 56 year old husband, and shouting “Im not a gold digger its true love”

I once had a coffee table which formed the same weird shape which Alina Kabaeva has managed to achieve with years of training, it also has a knot of wood sticking up in the wrong place dead center, exactly where you would place and ashtray, the salesman assured me that is was a feature and not a flaw. So after burning out three Black and decker sanders on this impulse buy, the knot of wood had now become more of a log and looks more like Picasso has had a bash at furniture design.

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Toe Factor: 8
Babe Factor: sorry, illegal to rate
Seen: With finger down throat to vomit that rice cake
Favorite Movie: Lolita (the Show time version)

Without question, the worst sport in the Olympics is women’s gymnastics. First of all, they are not women. They are little girls. And there is nothing amusing about 14 year old girls ruining their bodies and self esteems just to get on a Wheaties Box every 4 years. Every single gymnastics coach is a child molester.

You can tell because they all have mustaches. But the worst part is that they pit the girls against each other. Have you seen the thinly veiled hostility in the fake hugs they give each other after a routine? Compare that to a true team sport like Basketball, Soccer or Volleyball. Those women actually like each other.

Gymnastics sucks. Dont get me started.

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