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Cameltoe Female Movie Stars
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80’s Workout Toe
Toe Factor: 8
This is Jamie Lee Curtis playing a sloppy-toed aerobics instructor in "Perfect", which co-starred Travolta before Tarantino saved his career only to let him embarrass himself by becoming a Scientologist. We’re not sure if this photo confirms or dispels the rumor that Jamie is a hermaphrodite with her very own Fish Called Wanda. But this photo can confirm that the 80’s were a fashion disaster. The leg warmers pretty much say it all. But the Pat Benatar hair and headband are the frosting on this Toecake. She was good in Halloween....very good in Trading Places....and unforgettable in her new Voicestream ads.
American Toe
Toe Factor: 6 (lots of room for a flute)
Overheard saying: "What’s my name...bitch"
Many of you know Allison Hannigan from Buffy. But she will always be the chick from American Pie who started every sentence with "this one time...at band camp." Right there with Clueless and Fast Times in the Top 3 teen movies of all time, and still the number one film involving sodomized baked goods. Here, she tugs playfully at her shorts as if to say "hey there big boy...." (that is a Eugene Levy quote from the film, ya dumbass). I know a lot of you are thinking that I am going to write some cliche like "I would like to play a little one-on-one with her" or "I would let her hold my ball"..but that would be too obvious, and it would reveal my secret about only having one testicle.
'Buffy Toe
Toe Factor: 5 (not great toe, but a lovely photo)
Favorite Movie: Any Teen Slasher Garbage
Sarah Michelle Gellar is excellent. We all like to pretend we havent seen her films ("Scream 2", "I Know What Camp You Attended Last Summer", etc) cause they are generally frivolous, and by watching them, we reveal our own frivolity. Wasn't that deep? I thought so. Toe Trivia: did you know that her high school classmates included Tara Reid (the hottie prude from American Pie), Jerry O'Connell (the QB from Jerry Maguire) and Macauley Culkin (last seen selling used cars with Gary Coleman)? That school probably gave out pamphlets for the Betty Ford Clinic with the diplomas at graduation. I hear that S M Gellar is starring in Scooby Doo next year as Daphne. The likelihood of Toe in that film, mixed with live-action Scooby Snacks makes it a must-see film.
Jennifer AnisToen
Toe Factor: 5
Best Work: "Office Space"... hands down
We here at the Toe love Jennifer Aniston. But the Friends finale was an avalanche of cliches and bad writing. It made the Seinfeld finale look like genius. I lost track of the show when Fat Chandler fell in love with Monica, and Horseface Ross started dating the black anthropologist. But I figured I would come back for the finale. I would have gotten more laughs watching C-Span. Friends lost me when it insisted on neutering the men on the show. It is no coincidence that the only character with testicles intact (Joey) is the only one with a spinoff. But I fear his show will be more like "Bob Patterson" (Costanza's spinoff) than "Frazier". I put the over/under for "Joey" at 8 weeks. With "Sex and the City" and "Friends" gone in one year, massive amounts of free time have opened up for women in their 30's. It might be a good time to invest in an online dating service or a needlepoint company.
Camel Toe Girls
Featured Articles
First Toe
Here we see Laura Bush and some sort of religious official who looks like Karl Rove. Maybe that is Karl Rove and they just have him shadow (sometimes in costume) the Bushes the way that Tom Cruise assigns a Scientologist 24/7/365 to think and speak for his "girlfriend".
CopperTOEne Tan
Wll, this would be the ad for Coppertone with SPF of 500, which guarantees beachgoers the same amount of sun exposure that they'd get in a dirty, secondhand smoke-infested, politically-correct, don't-bomb-Iraq coffee bar in Seattle on a rainy February afternoon.e
Gravity
What is it about old guys and saggy nutsacks? Every time you see an old guy at the gym locker room they've got two soccer balls wrapped up in an America's Cup regulation-size spinnaker.