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Cameltoe On Your Bike
Tour de Toe
Toe Factor: 7
Here we see Tour de France competitor Tom Boonen making an odd "who knew?" gesture during one of the stages of the race earlier this week. This is an unusual expression in that particular setting, but one can imagine that nothing about growing up with the name Tom Boonen is normal. Perhaps he was saying "who knew that riding without a seat could feel so damn good?" or perhaps he was saying "who knew that part of testicular cancer treatment is steroids that might make a patient stronger?". Or perhaps since Lance has all of the good sponsorship deals Tom was cowtowing to his sole sponsor.. "I Can't believe it's Yogurt"...which has to be the most cumbersome name in the history of consumer brands. If i were his agent i'd also show this footage to the folks at "I can't believe it's not butter"...another choice sponsor.
Toe de France
Toe Factor: 2 (as in 2 lobes to his vulva)
Seen: Nowhere in Lance's rearview mirror
Thor Hushovd of Norway rejoices after winning the 8th stage of the Toe de France, which is the cycling equivalent of the Red Sox celebrating beating the Yankees in July. Enjoy the moment. Our boy Lance Armstrong toys with the competition now, keeping them just close enough to smell his farts as he goes uphill. His dominance infuriates the Europeans. The fact that he dates Sheryl Crow infuriates me. What is the point of being the best in the world if you are going to squander it on a car with that much mileage? Imagine how much the German fans would spit on him if he started dating Claudia Schiffer. On the positive side, I love that a guy with cancer owns his sport like this.
Lance Toestrong Wannabe
Toe Factor: 7
As horrifying as this may seem right now, fifteen years ago it was acceptable for anyone, no matter the figure, to wear Spandex or "biker" shorts during non-excercising activities. During this time, I'll admit I tried the Spandex shorts look on a few occasions. I was also in late-stage puberty with raging chubb every two seconds. Trying to hide a rock-hard helmet in shorts that weigh maybe 3 grams is rather challenging. That's why Spandex shorts are only to be worn by professional bicyclists or yoga instructors. Someone without TOEtal control over his or her arena is risking severe embarrassment.
Camel Toe Girls
Featured Articles
Live Through This Toe
Did you know that being the heir to the Nirvana fortune gives one carte blanche to act like an ass? Whether during an interview, or in First Class on a Virgin Atlantic flight, or at an awards ceremony... you can be an idiot virtually anywhere.
Umbrella Toe
Before I forget, when you watch "The Fast & the Furious", you may notice that one of the cops is Ted Levine who plays Buffalo Bill, the creep from Silence of the Lambs...as in "Is she a big fat person?"
TOErange County
This photo was probably taken at a party somewhere in Orange County, CA. These two scunions are clearly out trolling for skank. Our toe vendor lives at home with her parents in Tarzana while spending 2/3 of her disposable income on clothing, manicures and Starbucks.