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Cameltoe Cartoon
Hanna Barbera
Toe Factor: 7
Seen at: Foiling Diabolical Capers
Favorite Band: The Archies
I consider the good folks at Hanna Barbera my surrogate parents. I spent every Saturday watching these damn cartoons (a fact clearly reflected in my college transcript). The prevalence of Cameltoe in cartoons went largely unnoticed...until now. For instance, on Scooby Doo, Daphne (the hot one) often sported a cameltoe to balance the overt lesbianness of Velma (the short-haired one). Conversely, in Peanuts, Peppermint Patty (the lesbian) was the only female character to wear pants, providing Charles Schulz with a cameltoe opportunity. I remember the day my father used Peppermint Patty to explain to me why my Aunt would always bring her "friend" over on Thanksgiving. Those are the precious moments. They dont come back.
Sea Monkey Toe
Toe Factor: 9 (cartoon toe is always deep)
Seen: Ripping off 7-year olds for lawn mowing money
There have been many moments in my life that involved bitter disappointment. Among them are: 1) seeing my grandmother naked, 2) getting my first paycheck after college (FICA YOU!), and 3) watching the Godfather III (nepotism has never backfired so hideously). But none of these compared to the shock and horror I felt as a child when I discovered that Sea Monkeys are actually brine shrimp! It was the first time I had ever been truly ripped off. The company that perpetrated this fraud is guilty of stealing the innocence of countless children. If any of you are out-of-work lawyers (there are plenty), start a class-action suit against the Sea Monkey guys for emotional damages.
Fat Albert Toe
Toe Factor: 10 (looks like a woman's toe though)
Overheard Saying: "Na...na..na..gonna have a good time"
Hey, hey, hey! If you are old enough to remember Fat Albert, then you probably ought to be surfing for Viagra sites rather than wasting your time here. But Fat Albert was Bill Cosby's finest work. Harold, Mushmouth, Rudy, Russell and the fellas made every Saturday morning special. I can just hear "Would-ba.. you-ba... like-ba.. to-ba.. buy-ba.. some-ba.. candy-ba" If that came out today, the politically correct censors would kill it instantly. Nothing like exploiting a poor kid from Philly with a speech impediment. God Bless the 70's.
King of the Hill Toe
Toe Factor: 7
Mike Judge is funny. The pure pleasure that is Beavis and Butthead will never wane with time. The best part about that show was that Beavis and Butthead never showed any signs of reflection or intellectual growth... they stayed completely true to their beginnings. This is no small task. For example, “The Osbournes” already sucks (and MTV's The Real World started sucking after SF) for exactly that reason... the characters are too self-aware and the existence is artificial because of the cameras. Mike Judge also gave us OFFICE SPACE, a movie that should have made $75mm at the box office but somehow went virtually right to video. The dream scene of Lumberg having sex holding the corporate coffee mug is truly inspired. Shoot me if I ever end up in a cubicle or at a job where there is a large item attached to the restroom key to keep employees and guests honest.
Camel Toe Girls
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MTV Music Video Awards Cliché Toe
Poor Madonna. Used to have her finger on the pulse of what was outrageous and made millions manipulating various images and pressing buttons. Now, at 45, and in the face of tepid record sales and an increasingly hard-to-watch quest for sustained relevance to MTV's target audience, she looks through her 1987 lens and figures that THIS will shock people.
Melissa Toe Hart
There are those that will tell you that Melissa has never been able to transcend her "Sabrina: the Teenage Witch" role. I dont really care about that.
Punc-Toe-ation
know, according to Schoolhouse Rock, it's the conjunction whose function is to hook up clauses and phrases (this occurs at conjunction junction).