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Cameltoe Sexy Ladies
Dr. Toe
Toe Factor: 7 ...as in 007
Ursula Andress was the lovely and talented Honey Rider in Dr. No which was the first and best of the early Bond films. The best part about these early ones was the way Bond handled his ladies. Bedding some countess, princess or heiress gave the object of his desire no more rights or privileges than the hotel valet. Love 'em, leave 'em and then blow 'em to pieces with a dash mounted rocket launcher. Firearms and jujitsu as foreplay. Just because Bond had a job to do didn't mean he wasn't going to sample the finer things along the way. He had the dream T&E and T&A accounts. If he couldn't get the microfilm until tomorrow he might screw the girl tonight but he wouldn't hesitate to pistol whip her in the morning and then handcuff her to the toilet. By contrast, the nadir of Bond was Timothy Dalton. In "The Living Daylights" Dalton's Bond actually jeopardizes a mission by not sniping a hot blonde cellist with whom he is (apply Heimlich Maneuver) falling in love. Bond might as well declare, "I'm gay."
Another great thing about early Bond were the women's names: three of my favorites were Holly Goodhead, Pussy Galore, and Plenty O'Toole. When intoduced to the latter Bond wryly asked, "Named for your father I trust." That was Bond, too. Charming? Definitely. Politically correct? Hell no.
Raquel Welch
Toe Factor: 5
Seen at: Spago; the hatch door of the Nautilus in "Fantastic Voyage"
Favorite Bands: The Beach Boys, The Spice Girls (originally cast as "Mama Spice")
Erase from your mind the nightmarish image of today's 61-year-old Raquel Welch hawking the new and improved Lee Press-On Nail system on yet another celebrity-endorsed infomercial, and think back to the days when she could wake up your weenie with that camel-rich bikini. Notice the way her entire physique guides your eye southward to the slightly crossed right thigh over left thigh pose, the likes of which form the subtle yet certain outline of her Delta of Delight. Is it really any wonder why Tim Robbins chose her to aid and abet him (in poster form, anyway) in his escape from Shawshank? After years of incarceration, I can only imagine you'd end up with a raw shank from staring at her lovely visage taped to your wall. It almost talks to you, that camel. It says, "Want it? Can't have it." And y'know what? It's right. Celebrity camel is always right.
Debbie Knows the Toe
Toe Factor: 8 (exquisite definition)
Favorite Actor: Ron Jeremy
Porn. We here at the Toe know very little about pornography. But one of my earliest memories about puberty was when one of my friends (Steve) showed up with 2 movies, "Debbie Does Dallas" and "Behind the Green Door". Green Door was a bizarre tale of kinkiness that made very little sense at the time (now, it speaks eternal truths). But even a 12 year old boy could grasp the timeless beauty of a coming-of-age tale about a girl and her friends scrounging up enough money to try out for the Texas Cowgirl Cheerleaders. It was the Citizen Kane of grime. We sat in silence, watching it unfold. At the end, we said nothing...and went our separate ways. But our lives had changed forever. DDD went on to become one of the best-selling porn films of all time. Steve now weighs 360 pounds and buys his kleenex and vaseline in bulk at Costco. Ain't life grand?
Wonder Twin
Toe Factor: 8
Wonder Twin powers....activate. Form of an ice boner. Very appropriate pants...but the real star here is that lovely desert quadriped. This superhero from the 70s may have an invisible airplane, but there's nothing invisible about her toe. She makes the Man of Steel live up to his nickname and even gets a rise out of Aquaman, despite the shrinkage associated with his vocation.
The best part is that Lynda Carter now lives in a big white colonial in Potomac, MD where her toe goes unappreciated.
Camel Toe Girls
Featured Articles
Waterslide Toe
For those of you on LSD right now, yes… this IS Cal Ripken sliding into home. Dads were put on this planet for two primary reasons: to provide for their families and to embarrass those families. It's the unspoken Faustian bargain that kids unknowingly make with Dad.
May the Foreskin Be With You
Here we see George Lucas’ four sons in a photo taken from the Skywalker Ranch in beautiful Marin County, CA. The stormtrooper (real name: Randy, the eldest) only takes the helmet off for trips to the dentist and to TCBY.
Smoking Toe
Today's younger generation is confused. They know that smoking causes lung cancer, but they also know that smoking is cool. Here's how some of the more creative kids are reconciling these competing realities.