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Wave Toe
Toe Factor: 3 (not great toe... but c’mon)
Implant Factor: 4 (clearly opted for cheap boob job)
Place of Employment: Club Rock-Za
Anyone who has spent any time in Honolulu, Hawaii fears the following question, "Brah, like go Wave?" For those of you stuck on the Mainland, The Wave is the best nightclub in Waikiki. The tourists come around 10pm. The locals arrive around midnight. The strippers arrive after they get off work at 2am. And by 4am, everyone is a mess. Mixing surfers, military guys and buckets of booze is usually a recipe for bloodshed. But The Wave is staffed by enormous Samoans that are literally begging you to start trouble. My personal favorite is Tuli. I once saw him put a Navy Seal through the windshield of a police scooter. Our purveyor of Toe in the photo is taking part in one of the many bikini contests that reel in the literary crowd for which Hawaii is famous. So, on your next trip to the islands, go to the Wave, drink tequila, and take a swing at one of the bouncers. It will give you a Polynesian experience you will never forget.
Tubin’ Toe
Toe Factor: 8
It’s spring break time again. Unfortunately, Tammi here won’t be participating. You see, students of junior colleges like Santa Rosa JC and College of Marin (aka First Unified College of Kentfield) don’t get “Spring Breaks”. Instead, they go “tubin’ on the Russian”. Tammi, eager for her associate degree in Dental Science next year is taking advantage of the speed of the new online registration to go play in the river for a day. She and her fiancé of six years, Bud, and a couple other buds have followed in the footsteps of hundreds of JC revelers who, in between their part-time jobs and applications for “real” universities, grab a couple inner tubes, disregard the suntan lotion, stuff a cooler full of brew and head on down the river. Bud just broke the most excellent news that he got into Chico and promptly got Natural Lite sprayed all over him in celebration. Tammi’s excited but she’s wondering if this is the time to tell Bud she’s pregnant?
No cavities
Toe Factor: 10 (attitude enhances toe, as does lightning bolt)
Frequency of saying "fuckin' A": OFTEN
Likelihood of owning "And the crade will Rock" on mp3: HIGH
Let's call this vixen Sha Sha. This photo was taken after her Colgate University tennis team defeated Bucknell in the semifinals of the Patriot League conference championships in 1992. Her teammates referred to her toe, draped in it's unconventional attire (especially for tennis) as her "colgate smile". No cavities here....well, okay, maybe one. One wonders whether the lightning bolt is real or metaphoric...because this beeeeyotch is hothothot. Shazam!!! And she has a deep topspin that will send you reeling back into the fence as the judge says "game, set, match, toe". That's a potent combination.
Cubic ZirTOEnium
Toe Factor: 7
Last seen on: QVC
Goes well with: The George Foreman Grill
Here we see Joan Rivers after she loaded up her time machine with peroxide and 93 octane silicone and pressed "1965" (takes her back to her mid 30s, probably). While "1965 Joan" sports a great body and an impressive TOE, the best part about 1965 Joan was that this was the last year in which her daughter Melissa wasn't trying to affix herself to Mommy's career. Melissa Rivers on the red carpet makes channel surfing as dangerous as surfing the north shore of Hawaii in hurricane season. Sitting through one of her celebrity "interviews" is the surest way to shave IQ points this side of a glue factory. Wearing a belt with cutoff British equestrian shorts is sexy, and even more so when there are no belt loops... knowing it's just for show doesn't spoil the sensation. And people, can we TAWK about that toe? It's ta die for....
Camel Toe Girls
Featured Articles
Matthew McCameltoe
There is nothing sadder than seeing a guy that can get laid anytime doing things that a guy should only do in order to get laid. This photo is a perfect example. Matthew could certainly spackle anyone in the zip code. But here he sits, petting a rodent. Why?
Varsitoe Wrestling Team
This poor guy is not only about to get pinned. He is also about to get tea-bagged by some guy from a neighboring town in front of his parents and teammates. Wrestling is a disgusting sport.
White Man Toe
What in the Wide World of Sports is this cretin doing? This image will reappear in my nightmares soon. But in the meantime, let's discuss Whitey. As awful as the costume is, can you imagine how he would look nude? Look at the breasts.