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Cameltoe Women Cameltoe Bikini's
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LiToesuction
Toe Factor: 8 ($17,000 well spent)
Seen: LA, Miami, Atlanta, Dallas... and other places where trivial women congregate.
Here we see a before/after photo of liposuction. The patient asked for the Cameltoe Special, wherein fat is sucked out of your thighs and ass and then injected into your labia. While in general we approve of Toe enhancement at any cost, some of us would prefer if our patient had kept a little more meat on the thighs. As our good friend Lorenzo "Are You Hot" Lamas would happily point out with his laser, there is no contact point on the thigh meat from Toe to knee, which is sub-optimal. Furthermore, what’s the deal with the red stripe around the belly? I love Jamaican beer. But this Red Stripe appears to be the result of one of those gut-chains that women wear with low-rider jeans. I find those more disturbing than sexy. They are invariably tighter than they should be. Ladies, please don’t get plastic surgery. And if you must, leave some turf in the backyard and focus on the rackle dackle. Much better return on investment.
Steamin
Toe Factor: 160 (their combined IQ’s)
Favorite Literature: Personal ads, especially “Rich doctor seeking…” Favorite reality show: Any of the “Dingbat Tries To Marry a Millionaire” shows
Rhode Island rocks. I’m not just saying that because I have a bunch of deadbeat cousins, an alcoholic Aunt, and an ex-wife from there either. Rhode Island is chock full of trashy girls like our pair of toe waving beauties here. Rhode Island is basically split up into two sections-Newport and Providence. The rest is just Kentucky with a coastline. Newport consists mainly of people named Muffy, Spalding, and Biff, who spend their days flaunting their inheritances, while condescending to the hired help. Providence on the other hand, is populated with people named Vinnie, Rocko, and Tammi, and any conversation with these academy award winners is like listening to Joe Pesci in his “Goodfellas” days, but with an "accent" that makes Joey from The Bronx sound like James Earl Jones. The pride of Providence is Brown University, which made headlines once, not for their sports or academia, but for getting raided for operating a prostitution ring on campus. When Spalding and Biff get sick of Muffy and Charlotte, they head over to Providence, where they waste no time in picking up a couple of the scads of wanna-be trophy wife toe possessors there. Why buy another mink coat, or diamond broach for a roll with the real wives, when a case of Bud Light, and a quick glide to Jamestown and back in daddies yacht will get you the same deal? For everyone that thought that crap Andrew Firestone said to Kirsten in “the Bachelor” was spontaneous, puh-leeeeeeze. “Someday you’re going to make some man very lucky” is the blue blood equivalent of “Why are you still here? Do you need cab fare or something?”
Catwalk Toe
Toe Factor: 10 (deep, shorn, properly framed)
Favorite Golfer: Phil Mickelson (cause he has a bigger rack than she does)
This is an odd photo. Why are the guys NOT looking at this exquisite toe specimen? They appear to be looking at the big-assed woman in the orange and yellow bikini. If she were a real estate ad, it would read "Fixer-upper. Big backyard." Perhaps they were disgusted with our toe vendor's obvious nose job. Perhaps they are NASCAR fans, and got teary eyed when they saw the number 3, and looked away to honor the memory of Dale Earnhardt. Perhaps they looked away, knowing that they would see it again on Monday on the Cameltoe Report. Perhaps they were turned off because she has the cheesy look of those women that spray perfume on you in department stores. In 5 years, she will be a greeter in a Pontiac dealership in Charlotte, NC and will be dating the Assistant Mgr to keep her job.
The HampTOEns
Toe Factor: 4 (weak toe.. but love the thought)
Number of People Staying at their House: 14
Number of Bedrooms: 3
Jeff and Kelly met when they were both hired at their ad agency in 2000. They live in Greenwich Village and claim to be New Yorkers, even though Jeff is from Jersey and Kelly is from Peabody, MA. Every weekend, they leave at 7PM from Midtown and get to East Hampton around midnight (you gotta stop for beers). Jeff was fired a month ago, and promptly got an earring to show his defiant attitude and put on about 15 pounds (check the gut). Kelly is hanging on due to the fact that one of the partners thinks she is hot. She got the belly button ring to show sympathy for Jeff, but already regrets it. It doesnt fit well with her granny bikini and puritan New England style. By next summer, they will probably have deleted each other from their Palm Pilots, and have moved back home. But for now, things are just - peachy.
Camel Toe Girls
Featured Articles
Bolinas Toe
There are so many reasons to have disdain for the SF Bay Area -- and i'm certain that these two are from there -- or aspire to move there after working a few years up in Humboldt County.
HunterToe
Women look at a guy like this and can hardly keep from touching themselves. Mmmmmm. The Tan. Ahhhh. The astute fashion sense. Eeeeeh. The sensitivity to animals. Ooooh.
Heffner Toe
Throughout history, most Toes have been the result of happy accidents rather than design. Here, however, is a toe borne of calculated intent which passed the scrutiny of middle managers at Mattel and Playboy, both large public companies with many layers of bureacracy.