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Cameltoe Women Cameltoe 18-30
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Whorespower TV
Toe Factor: 7700 (Which is where most tricked-out Hondas redline)
Seen: Pretending to know what VTEC stands for.
It's interesting this young lady reached for the Snapple. Ten years ago this wouldn't be an issue, but Snapple is Vanna White past its prime. And when did they start producing Snapple in can? Can you get it in a six pack? I'm sure that infuriates Snapple purists worldwide.
Picnic Toe
Toe Factor: 9 (strong spread and framing)
Favorite Bands: Indigo Girls, 10,000 Chicks
Why do women love picnics so much? Donna decided that she and Randy should spend Saturday sitting on Mom's quilt near the Lincoln Memorial. Randy's friends are at Champions sportsbar watching the NBA playoffs. They have already left him 4 voicemails on his cell laughing at his picnic fate. Instead of wings and celery, he is eating Camembert and biscotti. Instead of talking about whether or not Mike Piazza is gay, he is talking about whether or not Donna's friend is afraid of commitment. Instead of looking at his friend's unkempt nose hair, he is looking at Donna's over-plucked eyebrows. Instead of drinking Bass ale, he is drinking Chardonnay. But Randy will picnic. You know why? Because Donna has an ankle bracelet, which means that she is a tramp. All women that wear ankle bracelets are dirty in bed. And if a picnic is the price of admission to her theater of filth, it is a bargain. At least he doesn't have to go to a play.
Moo Shoo Shelf
Toe Factor: 0 (but this is noteworthy... c'mon)
Favorite Order: Phirri Cheesesteak
In what has to be viewed as one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse, Hooters opened up in China last week. We love our Asian people here at the Toe, especially the ladies. But lets just say Chinese women are known for things other than their Hooters. What next? Is Weinerschnitzel opening up in Ireland? Is Whole Foods opening up in Ethiopia? Denny's in Harlem? Boston Market in Yankee Stadium? Do the corporate visionaries at Hooters even see the irony here? It would be like having OJ as the spokesman for Chick-Fil-A. Or opening a Shakey's across from a rehab center. OK. I think I have ridden this pony as far as she will take me. I am going out for some wings.
French TOEst
Toe Factor: 7 (pretty, but off-center, separation could be stronger)
This was sent to us by a European fan who labeled it simply "Paris, Sept. 9". Very elegant title. Unfortunately this woman is not hot enough for that to suffice. First, after wrestling with the decision of where to put the seam of the jeans (which fit last Fall), she chose to put her package to the side of the toe rather than just suck it up for style points and 'divide and conquer'. Mistake, as she needs all of the help she can get. The stylish black bag and the greasy Euro-hair that probably hasn't seen shampoo for a few days can't hide the fact, clear to the toe cognoscenti, that this is most likely a junior at Syracuse who is on the phone with her mom lobbying to stay an additional semester, ostensibly so she can take some more art classes but really because she's having an affair with a very smarmy 34 year-old Persian man who wears shiny Armani knockoff suits. Nice try
Camel Toe Girls
Featured Articles
Dick (and balls) Cheney Toe
Does G.O.P stand for "Grand Old Package"? I always figured our draft-dodging (a deferment is a dodge, no matter how you slice it) yet hawkish Vice President would be a bit challenged down there, but I guess I'm wrong.
Gravity
What is it about old guys and saggy nutsacks? Every time you see an old guy at the gym locker room they've got two soccer balls wrapped up in an America's Cup regulation-size spinnaker.
HunterToe
Women look at a guy like this and can hardly keep from touching themselves. Mmmmmm. The Tan. Ahhhh. The astute fashion sense. Eeeeeh. The sensitivity to animals. Ooooh.