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Stand By Your Toe
Toe Factor: 9 (Her tampons are trained in spelunking)
Favorite Movie: “Ya Ya...” all Southern women love Ya Ya
We have here a good example of the new generation of female country singers. When we were growing up, there wasn't a single hot woman in country music. They all looked like truck drivers. Bad hair. Wide body. Terrible fashion. The type of people that buy the cheese danish at 7-11. But now, country music has the hottest women of any musical genre. Faith Hill, Shania Twain, the Dixie Hicks and others are making me actually pause for a minute or two when flipping past CMT or some other country music channel. Country finally figured out that if the singer is hot, no-one cares how bad the music is. Which still doesn't explain that useless Joey Fatone (as in, he’s the “fat one” in the group) from NSync. But that Fame show he hosts with Debbie Allen sure is compelling. Whooooooeeeeeee that is quality programming.
Trailer Kitchen Toe
Toe Factor: 5 (like the category 5 hurricane headed towards her front door)
Life isn't easy for people who can move without packing and unpacking. Sure, it's incredibly luxurious once you've lifted up the emergency brake and planted some roots (and laid down that astroturf lawn in front, down by the habachi). But it's not all paradise... there are some risks inherent in the prefab housing lifestyle. The primary risk, of course, is that tornadoes and hurricanes will hunt you down faster than the US is hunting down Osama. A related risk is that many of these trailer park communities are located in areas where people have never heard of the internet so there's no way for them to go on weather.com to find out about the storms. But it's not all bad... many of these homes have normal-sized refrigerators capable of holding a days-worth of cheap beer. Our friend here is lit up at 9am and bitching at her boyfriend, Randy, who wont get up off the couch and board the windows.
Classic coffee room toe
Toe Factor: 7
Seen at: Coffee room, Office Parties
Favorite Movie: Babe - "that pig is adorable"
Favorite Band: Huey Lewis and the News
This is classic coffee room toe. Not a pretty way to start the day. This toe stands near your cubicle and speaks way too loudly, saying things like, "I KNOW. I TOLD HIM THAT FILING WAS NOT IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION. BUT HE DIDNT CARE......DID YOU SEE SURVIVOR LAST NIGHT?...I LIKE TINA....I JUST RELATE TO HER MORE THAN THE OTHERS..." You just want to stand up, peer over your little carpeted cubicle wall and throw a staple remover at her head. If it weren't for her showing a little toe on casual Friday, she would be collecting workers comp already.
The Au-Toe Show
Toe Factor: 6
Favorite Dance: The Texas Toe Step
This spokeswoman toe model is trying to present the virtues of Dodge's new "Quad Cab" to the spectators at an auto show in Texas. While it's always difficult to find a toe in khakis, particularly ones so wrinkled (it has long been known that wrinkles can cause a "false positive" reading during a toe test), this is a clear cut case. The guy on the right came to look at pickup trucks but stares blankly, stupefied and incredulous, at the toe. He's no longer a potential Chevy customer...all he can ponder is TOE, and what it means in his life and for America...and where do we all go from here. He's rubbing both of his IQ points together, trying to spark a thought. If he succeeds it will be something like "Why don't we attach a Monster Truck to her zipper and Tractor-pull those pants out of this woman's genitalia?". And you know what...that's not a bad idea.
Camel Toe Girls
Featured Articles
Fat Albert Toe
Hey, hey, hey! If you are old enough to remember Fat Albert, then you probably ought to be surfing for Viagra sites rather than wasting your time here.
Enjoy my junk
There's no way that Sam doesn't know that his duffel bag is showing through his fine linen pants; hence that smug, confident smile which says "enjoy my junk, share it with your friends and family".
Iron "Made In" the 70
Iron Maiden is one of those groups that achieved a level of fame primarily for being famous -- like a 70's cheesemetal version of George Hamilton.